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The Unspoken Process
Mindy Friedman, LCSW
“So, who actually needs therapy? Do you think everyone?”
My students at Sara Schenirer ask this. Sometimes, people in my life ask it. My clients ask it most of all.
What I really hear them asking is, “If I need therapy, does that mean there's something wrong with me?”
They’re also asking, “If I don't need therapy, then why am I here? Am I making too much of my problems? Am I being self-indulgent?”
The idea that the world is divided into two groups—people who need therapy and people who don't—is ridiculous. There isn’t a specific line where your struggles become severe enough to earn a place on the therapist's couch.
Though there are times when therapy is specifically warranted, that is only because it is the accepted, studied approach to mental health in our time. In reality, though, therapy is just one approach to regulation, healing, and increasing capacity and choice. There are many other paths that lead to these same goals.
People can work on themselves through learning Torah and strengthening their emunah. They may grow through journaling, spending time in nature, exercising, improving their sleep, creating art, building meaningful relationships, receiving mentorship, practicing self-help strategies, body-based therapies, and countless other paths. Different people find different doors into healing.
Therapy is simply one of those doors.
This question often comes up again as clients are finishing therapy. They realize that graduating doesn't mean they'll never feel anxious, sad, angry, or overwhelmed again. Therapy neither can nor aims to take away our humanness. There isn't always a clear moment when someone can say, "I needed therapy then, but I don't need it now." Instead, what they notice is a deeper relationship with themselves, less fear of difficult emotions, more freedom to choose responses that align with their values, and a lighter emotional burden. Old wounds no longer carry the same weight, and trauma that once lived in the body has begun to loosen its grip.
Perhaps, after the stories you’ve read in this column, therapy is a little less mysterious. It’s not magic, and it’s not reserved for people who are “broken.” It’s simply one of the ways human beings connect and grow. Sometimes we choose it because we've reached the limits of what we can do alone. Sometimes we choose it because we want to understand ourselves more deeply. Either way, therapy is not an identity, not a diagnosis, and not a destination. It's a tool.
And a choice.
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Mindy Friedman offers relational IFS based therapy for women in Monsey, focusing on a deeper connection to self and others. She can be reached at mindyfriedmanlcsw@gmail.com. |
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Pop‑Up Food Tents
Protecting Your Spread from Uninvited Guests
The weather’s finally pleasant enough to host an outdoor party. The sky is clear, the humidity is at that “manageable enough” level we’ve collectively agreed to tolerate, and the temperature has—mercifully—dropped below three digits. It’s the kind of day that convinces you outdoor dining is not only possible, but charming. You carry out the bowls of fruit, the chips, the pasta salad, embracing the opportunity to be the sort of party hostess who has it all together—because this time, your guests don’t have to see the state of your house.
You stand back, admiring your spread, listening to your guests marvel over how amazing everything looks. Somewhere around the twentieth comment, you start noticing a pattern. They’re all talking about the food, but not actually eating any of it. You briefly wonder if—in your delirious state of excitement—you accidentally set out play food instead of real food. Honestly, not the most unrealistic mom moment.
So you glance over at the table, and that’s when you’re introduced to your uninvited guests.
A fly is already doing laps in the fruit bowl. Another is halfway submerged in the pasta salad like it’s a spa salad. A third is perched on the chips, staring at you with eyes that question why you’re interrupting their meal.
Apparently, the insect community collectively decided that today was also their perfect day for outdoor parties. Their venue? Your table. Their contribution? Taste‑testing everything before your actual guests could.
And this is precisely why pop‑up mesh food covers exist. They act as doormen that filter out guests who were absolutely not on the list. Your human guests finally start enjoying food that not only “looks amazing” but “tastes amazing” now that it’s no longer being pre‑chewed by the local wildlife. |
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Spiked Piña Colada with Tropical Fruit Sorbet
Light and fruity with tropical passion fruit notes and a sophisticated kick from the spirits, this dessert is the perfect ending to a summer Shabbos meal. It's the ideal choice when you want to elevate your table or impress your guests!
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Photography & Styling Mimi Baum |
Ingredients
Cocktail
1 cup piña colada syrup
2 cups orange juice or pineapple juice
1 can Sebastia coconut water (piña colada flavor)
1 oz rum
1 oz vodka
1 oz tequila
Tropical Sorbet
16 oz frozen mango
8 oz frozen pineapple cubes
4 cubes frozen seedless passion fruit
1 recipe simple syrup
Simple Syrup
½ cup sugar
½ cup water
coconut flakes, for garnishing
Get the printable recipe here!
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Directions
- Combine all ingredients for the cocktail in a pitcher and chill until ready to serve.
- To make the simple syrup, combine the sugar and water in a small saucepan and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and cook, stirring occasionally, until the sugar is completely dissolved. Let cool before using.
- For the sorbet, place the frozen fruit in a blender. Pulse a few times to break up the larger chunks. Let sit for 5-10 minutes to allow the fruit to soften slightly. Add simple syrup and blend on high speed for 5-7 minutes until smooth and creamy. Transfer to a container and freeze.
- To serve: Pour the drink into chilled glasses and top each with a generous scoop of sorbet. Garnish with coconut and serve immediately.
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How to play
Use all the letters from the given word to create the specified number of new words, each new word must use every letter exactly once |
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Example
- Given word: smile
- Challenge: find 3 words
- Answer: miles, slime, limes
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Given word: pasta
Challenge: find 3 words
Look out for the answer in tomorrow’s edition
Yesterday's challenge: A railroad track traveled by a mollusk
Yesterday's answer: snail rail
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Passion fruit is harvested by waiting for it to fall naturally from the vine. Unlike many fruits, it's often sweetest when it drops to the ground on its own. |
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Siyum Surprise
By: Miri Friedman
Not every siyum calls for a crowd. Sometimes there's already another family celebration happening, and sometimes it's just a busy week. But every accomplishment deserves to be acknowledged. When one of my children reaches a milestone like finishing a masechta or completing Tehillim, I love putting together these wrapped candy seforim. They're a quick, adorable way to make the occasion feel special.
Supplies:
Print the wrappers and, if you'd like, personalize them in Canva by adding the sefer and your child's name. Cut them out and glue them onto the candy boxes.
These wrappers are sized to fit Zazers Tidbite Mini Candies perfectly. I especially like using them because they're mini (adorable—and no sugar overload!) and each package contains 30 boxes, so there's plenty to share with family and friends.
Use this idea with other candy packaging by creating your own wrappers. The possibilities are endless—match the theme, colors, or occasion to make it uniquely yours.
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One box, endless possibilities! Perfect for organizing craft supplies, playdough, or even hair accessories. The organizing solution your messy corner is waiting for!
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